I used to review curriculum, now I create it

Masking: the Female Inclination to Say one Thing and Think Another

Female masking-are we two faced?

It has come to my attention that we, mothers/wives/women, have a problem. I will label it “masking”. We ALL do it at some time or another. I rarely come upon someone who does not, and often when I do I find them tactless and offensive. Ah, a conundrum indeed.

Take the Quiz

Find out if you are guilty:

[wpsqt name=”Are you guilty of masking?” type=”quiz”]


If you have answered yes to any of these statements, you have been guilty of masking. I know I have, on many occasions! If you are still confused, let me break it down for you.

What is masking?

Masking: the condition in which we say one thing and mean another. The state of being outwardly nice, accepting or understanding when it is a completely surfacy sentiment.

Take, for example, my sister-in-law. Now, I use this as an example because Sonia is my dearest friend and I know that she is one person I use the least “masking” with. However, I still mask with her a lot. I still fear what she might be thinking or how I appear in her eyes. I still weigh my answers and thoughts so as not to offend or push too hard or make her think badly of me.

With Sonia, even if we don’t always say what we mean, we know each other well enough to see it anyways. So really, what is the point? She can smile and say all the right things, but I know if something is bothering her. The same goes the other way. So tell me, why do we do it??? Wouldn’t it just be better to bring it all into the open?

There is a delicate balance. If we all said what we meant all the time, the world would honestly be a much more hostile environment. God commands us to be kind to our neighbour, to use a gentle answer to turn away wrath, to not judge the speck in our neighbours eye when we have a log in our own. We have a calling to not judge our fellow man (or in this case woman), to be accepting, to be kind and caring, to not be callous and cruel. Even when we don’t feel like it. So where does that leave us?

Do we take it too far?

I think so. I think people spend their whole lives searching for that balance: not being afraid to speak your mind but knowing when to stay silent. Not pushing our opinions and beliefs and thoughts on everyone else, but not being timid about who we are and what we believe in when asked. I don’t want to spend my whole life finding that balance! I want to honor God in my friendships, but still be able to speak truth IN LOVE! I guess that is what it all comes down to: we can speak truth, but we often do it out of pride and superiority or even insecurity rather than humbleness and love.

My conclusion? We are women. We are interpreters of the unsaid, the subtle meanings, the “in between the lines”. I want to make sure that what is unsaid is not my prideful, judging thoughts. I want to be sincere, coming across to my friends and family as someone to be trusted. I don’t always want to say what I am thinking, but I want to mean what I say, not saying something that is a lie just to make myself feel better when it doesn’t help anyone in the long run. And I want to drop the pretences and stop comparing myself with everyone.

I am not everyone. I am Rebecca. Whom God has called to be a mother of many (or not so many depending on who I’m talking to), despite what people think of that. He has called me to homeschool, to write, to be joyful, to be true to the person he created me to be. How can I judge someone else? How can I want to change myself or try to fit into a different mould? I was created to break the mould! A complex shape that many people may not understand nor appreciate. We are all different and we are all called to something different. Praise God that we are not all the same and can come together in different stages of our lives to encourage one another on the way!

What are your thoughts on masking?

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I used to review curriculum, now I create it!