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Why Aren’t Moms Allowed to Have a Bad Day?

Did you know when you homeschool, stay at home with your kids or have a large family you are giving up all rights to have a bad day? It’s true! How many times have you started expressing frustration or that you are feeling overwhelmed only to have someone cut you off with, “Well you CHOSE this!” Um, ya, I did! But did I somehow unknowingly waive all venting rights????

Why Aren't Moms Allowed to have a bad day? Mom judgement | mommy wars | parenting blog | mom blog | mom frustrations | mom life | mom struggles | mom encouragement | parenting encouragement

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Venting about a bad day.

As wives, mothers, homeschoolers, women, humans in general, we WILL have bad days! It happens! We all struggle at different seasons of our lives, go through difficult and challenging situations that we have to work through, it’s just part of life. I have at many times in my walk as a mother and again as a homeschooler, felt that my voice of struggle has been diminished under the damper of my choices.

How many times have you started talking about the struggles of laundry or getting the kids to bed at a decent time or the cost of a family vacation only to be told “well you CHOSE to have that many kids!” in an offhanded manner that completely dismisses your frustrations? Or maybe it is when you start talking about homeschooling little Jenny and how expensive this new curriculum is that she needs and how some days are a real flop, ever been looked at with the blank gaze of indifference? Or perhaps you’veĀ been brushed off with a casual “You didn’t HAVE to homeschool!”

Giving ourselves permission to have a bad day.

If your friends and family are not supportive of your decision to homeschool or have a large family, you may get these kind of comments a lot. It can be hard to let yourself vent or have a bad day when no one close to you wants to hear about it and you feel dismissed, that your struggles don’t matter. But they DO! You, dear mother are ALLOWED to have bad days, hard days, frustrating days, overwhelming days! It does not mean you are not cut out for this, it means you are human!

It is so important to find some people who are similar to you in some of these ways. Maybe that means finding some larger families that just “get it” and you are free to be real and authentic with. Maybe it means plugging into the homeschool community more and finding out that you are not alone! If you live in an isolated area or there just aren’t people like you where you live, get online! There are communities and groups ALL OVER the web! It may not be as good as getting together for coffee, but it is still freeing to vent your frustrations on a forum or Facebook group and feel heard, validated, and even have some constructive advice along the way!

If you don’t know where to begin, start with my Facebook support group, Hip Homeschoolers. It is a collection of women (and homeschool dads too!) from all over in all different ages and stages of homeschooling. It is a fantastic place to meet other homeschool parents and ask questions. You can also search on Facebook for homeschool and your town or area and see what shows up. If there isn’t a group, start one! It is easy to do and you might be surprised!

Letting go of judgement.

In the end, we are going to face judgement. We will be judged for having more than the typical 2 children and “overpopulating the world.” We will be judged for staying home with our kids and not having a “career.” We will be judged for homeschooling instead of “supporting our public school system.” It WILL happen and we have to brace ourselves and let it roll off our backs. We can’t let other people’s opinions and negativity impact what we have chosen or been called to do!

If your friends and family are not supporting your decisions, stop talking to them about it. Find a different avenue of supportive people who understand to vent to. Don’t give the people who brush you off or judge your choices any more fuel for the fire. Be STRONG and give yourself permission to have a bad day or not have it all together. Our struggles do not define us, what we DO with them does!

Is your circle of family/friends supportive of your choices?

Comments

  1. Bahahaha! I had a mom tell me yesterday that I’m “supermom” LOL. I told her that I’m not, I get mad, I yell and I regret it. No one is perfect. I have a habit of trying to see the bright side to everything and sometimes that means I don’t always show the frown that’s really in there.

  2. So, I’m not the only one who freaks out if I make a typo online because I know someone will eventually say something like “Wow! You homeschool your kids and you can’t even spell correctly?!” -sigh-

  3. This resonates so much with me! I have those who say they love that I am having a big family, and they love that I have decided to stay home, and they love hearing that I have decided to homeschool… Yet when I have a stressfull day, or feel like venting, or need a shoulder to cry on (because, c’mon did we really know what we were signing up for when, 4 kids all breakdown at the same time, and hubby is late from work? And you have to get it together for all of them?!), I get met with the “well, you chose this” or the “it didn’t have to be this way” from the exact same people who say they are supportive of all my decisions! It’s like your 4 yr olds selective hearing! Only selective supporting… I need that meal, that you are bringing that other mom who has had a bad week, for myself every once in a while. Or that offer to babysit you gave that working mom, because she just needs a girls night out… Yeah, I could use one too… (don’t get me wrong here, I know they need it too) It’s just that…Have you ever thought about how much we stay-at-home moms yearn to speak with an adult, and not interpret babble all day?!

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