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Why Isn’t Being a Mom Enough?

When did being “just a mom” become so unacceptable in our society?

This last week I designed some cute little first day of school signs. They are bright and fun and have a space for you to write the answer to that adorable little question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Well, we printed them off and cut them out and I sat down with my 3 year old to fill hers in. Her answers were so sweet and precious, I wrote them down word for word, “When I grow up I want to be a mom and have my own computer, and blog and school room and books and kids!” When my son asked her how many kids she wanted, she shouted, “10!”

In our culture, being “just a mom” is settling. I mean, you could have an actual, real-life career!

Why Isn't Being a Mom Enough? parenting | parenting blog | parenting encouragement | mom blog | mom encouragement | mom life | kid blog | motherhood

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What you DO for a living defines you.

In today’s mindset, your job defines you. It is asked on every form you fill out and in any social gathering. Have you ever felt embarrassed to say you are a stay at home mom? I have! And not without good cause! I feel slightly embarrassed because over the years the reactions are derogatory, condescending, and judgemental! That is ALL I do????? I have been in some social settings where every other woman is a successful career-woman and once they find out I’m a stay at home mom they just ignore me.

They are buffered by their degrees, their experience, they have something of value to offer the world. I am just a naive hick, having far too many babies and ignorant. Right?

"Just a Mom?" dealing with judgement

I feel sorry for career driven family women.

I used to get offended. I used to feel embarrassed and self-conscious. Now, I feel sorry for those women. Being home with my children every day, homeschooling them, not missing out on any of their moments is the greatest blessing of my life. I get to teach my children what matters to me, I get to help them with their weaknesses and build up their strengths.

I know not everyone can be a stay at home mom. Not everyone can homeschool and I am aware of the great blessing that it is. In today’s economy, living on one income is difficult, and for some, impossible. But I am not speaking to those women, I am talking to the ones who have mocked me or made me feel inferior because I don’t have a degree or doctorate. For the women who have judged me for being “just” a stay at home mom, I say to you…

My children are my full time career. I pour my heart, soul, energy, blood, sweat and tears into my kids. There is NOTHING I would rather be doing!

Tweet: My children are my full time career. I pour my heart, soul, energy, blood, sweat and tears into them. @HHomeschooling http://bit.ly/1KY6Gpd

Have you been judged for being a stay-at-home mom?

If you have been or are feeling judged for your decision to stay home with your kids or to homeschool them, I hope you found some encouragement here. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, right? I think we will look back on this decision and have not one single regret about it, I doubt everyone else will be able to say the same.

And if you ARE that career driven woman, please don’t judge us! We are not dumb because we didn’t go to college or don’t have a 6-figure income telling us otherwise, we are offering the MOST valuable thing to society… the next generation! I know that you don’t have it easy leaving your kids, I know that you come home exhausted and still have mom life to do. I know that you work hard and have pressures and stress on you all the time. I know that you are smart and driven and full of ambition. Both sides have their great pressures and yet great rewards and I hope that the next time we see each other, there will be more understanding between our two viewpoints.

#bridgethegap #nomorejudgement #amomisamom

Comments

  1. I love this post. I love seeing more and more people who are willing to stand up and be heard saying that raising children is the most important job that there is. People need to stop defining each other by dollars and cents. I get so much criticism for choosing to be there 100% for my child, but I feel like it is my responsibility to live according to my own heart. Thank you and best of luck 🙂

  2. I have two anecdotes about being judged by people who should know better. I got pregnant during the final year of my doctorate studies (oops). After I graduated, I received a questionnaire from my college about “graduate destinations” with questions about career paths, salary, etc. On first read-through I could not see anywhere to show I was now a full-time parent. On closer inspection I found it – sharing a checkbox with “sick and temporarily unable to work”.

    The other occasion was a couple of years later, when I needed to take my son to the paediatrician. Like any mother, I was intimately familiar with his complicated medical history and able to reel off facts and figures and dates. The doctor asked me “You’re clearly intelligent, why don’t you have a job?” I answered “I do have a job. I am raising my children.” He looked embarrassed and muttered something about how I was “depriving the world of my talents”!! I could not believe that someone educated would have such uneducated attitudes!

  3. I am a stay-at-home mom. I have a three small beautiful children. I struggle with the lack of self-confidence when it comes to telling someone I’m a stay-at-home mom. Not because of my kids, but because I never finished my degree. I don’t have the time or even want to go back now because we’ve chose to homeschool our children. Most days I’m fine. But on occasion it bothers me to think that someone thinks I’m lazy, I’ve settled, or even worse I’m just a dumb hillbilly that got pregnant young. This is a great blog. Thank you! Reading this blog, makes me feel not so alone! I really appreciate that.

  4. Thank you for speaking the truth and wisdom that is so lacking in this country today. I, too, am over educated, and I used to wear it as a badge of honor. Since I became a Christian, and started to read what God wanted me to do- raise and educate the blessings He has given me- it became clear what I needed to do. I “retired” from my job of teaching other people’s children to teaching my own. Sadly, no one seems to think parents more ignorant than educators. The students we received from homeschooled families were “soooo behind”. This was rarely true, and when it was, it was nothing compared to the mediocrity that was acceptable in the public classroom.
    When I resigned it was not with a big “That is so great!” It was with a “What a loss for the students!” However, I LOVE being home, working my tail off to manage my home, teach my kids, make healthy and planned meals for my family. Mostly, I honor Christ when I do what He asks with joy and gratitude.

  5. I love this post , I have a college degree and when I was working people would tell me I worked too much. I had no choice with the job I had , long miserable hours. I missed my daughter so much. Now I only work 8-12 hours a week and still get judged for letting my education go. When someone found out I am at home they said “oh you are one of those moms.” No matter what people are going to judge, what matters is our family is happy and my kids love having me home .

  6. You “feel sorry” for working mothers? So your response to the pity they feel for you is to reflect back pity for them? They feel happy in what they are doing, can’t imagine you could be happy in your circumstances and feel sorry for you, so you turn the tables, knock them down, imagine they can’t possibly find happiness in their circumstances, and feel sorry for them.

    Think hard on that…..

    …and start thinking of other women as fellow warriors in different positions on the battlefield rather than the enemy.

    • She feels sorry for them because they do not spend much time with their kids. Coming home for dinner and bedtime stories, and the weekends isn’t really quality time with your family. Reality is, their teachers spend more time with kids then the parents do and their peers end up having more influence then parents who are both out and about M-F. Some of us recognize this and are convicted to do the hard thing, sacrifice personal achievements to keep the family connected and bonded. If we’re being honest, working culture doesn’t care about your kids. Moms are constantly feeling pulled in 2 directions. The honest moms have told me that you will sacrifice time with your kids when you care about your career. You cannot be 100% for both.

      Having pity for career moms shouldn’t be offensive. It’s a feeling rooted in care and concern for the well-being of the family bonds. The problem with pity for the stay at home moms is that it isn’t coming from a place of care and concern for her family. It’s a prideful root that reflects the career woman is better because she does more for the family. But that is debatable. Providing more money doesn’t mean you’re doing more for your family. It means you’re providing more opportunities for them at the expense of your time with them.

      It’s a tricky thing managing the modern family when roles are blurred and career women are celebrated while the traditional mom is completely off grid. There is no one in our culture affirming us or encouraging us when all the kids are being taught that careers are more important than family. Can we be honest about that? Of course we will be made to feel like worthless humans for deciding to manage our homes instead of a team of employees.

      It’s hard either way. Our culture hasn’t made things better for women. The standards just got harder and make us feel worse for having to choose. Every employer should have it’s own child care. Day care should have an insurance plan. Let’s be real here. Society isn’t set up for family life.

      For the traditional mom who has decided she doesn’t want to strain herself to do it all, she is seen as a disgusting cockroach, bottom feeder, below everyone. Things just got worse for her, not better. But to the woman who has decided she wants 6 figures and a family, she is admired, encouraged and told she has it all. Why does she even bother being offended by the traditional moms who are trying to encourage themselves in a world that already tears them down?

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